Isn't this a nice picture? I hope you think so because it took me a gazillion tries and good money to finally get something that I was okay with plastering across my website.
By the looks of this picture you might think that I am a confident, successful woman who loves her family in all the right ways, writes perfectly mastered words that speak deeply into the heart of everyone who reads, always lives in gospel encouragement, never doubts, never gossips, never yells, never picks fights, and certainly never indulges in self-pity.
But this picture doesn't reveal the real me; the me that I am forever trying to feel comfortable with in front of you and in front of God. It doesn't show the fake eyelashes I wore in hopes of "enlivening" my swollen eyes from the previous day of crying over a friend's death. You don't see the glass of whiskey I had to loosen me up for the shoot because I hate all things about being in front of a camera. You can't see the depression that chases me, nor the anxiety and fear that I spend my days hiding from. And that post I am so cutely leaning on was way to short for my awkward 6'2" frame so my legs are contorted into a wild bendy knee leg extension that would make you blush.
I share this with you because you need to know that I am a real person not just a nice profile picture. I spent too many years hiding from the real stuff, making an impostor of myself so that people would think that I was worthy of their approval. Tragically, this transferred to my relationship with God. It wasn't until my life was interrupted by the gospel that I began to understand that God loves me for who I am and not who I or anyone else thinks I should be. This is where I have found freedom. Freedom to love and to screw up. Freedom to fail and to succeed. Freedom to come before a Holy God in all of my mess and know that he leans in when the rest of the world is walking away in disgust.
I come to you as a very real sinner (with a cleaned up profile picture) in need of a great Savior. Think of the words I pen as a hand to hold as you walk toward Jesus. All of life is about walking each other home. It's a much better journey when we are holding hands.